Sleep

Once, I prayed for Sleep to love me,
To stroke my hair and covet me.
Now, he never leaves my side,
No matter where I run or hide,
He finds me out and punishes me accordingly.

Court, February ------

I sit still in the packed courtroom as a tall, noble looking man approaches the judge.
I assume he must be a lawyer in such a suit, with such a dignity.
His mocha skin stands apart from the rest of us, pale with winter's frost.
The judge looks him over slowly and then spells his name aloud,
" B H A G W A N T"
Bhagwant Patel.
He nods solemnly as the judge begins to weave his tale for all of us to hear.
"On the night of February ----- you came into confrontation with a state trooper, correct?
You were stopped for a traffic violation, illegal lane change, correct?
At that time the office smelled alcohol on your breath, correct?
And, you admitted to consuming several alcoholic beverages before driving your vehicle, correct?
You also refused a breathalizer, correct?
You are pleading guilty to the charges of driving under the influence of alcohol,
And by doing so, give up your right to a trial, correct?
Then, as an official of this court, I hereby sentence you to
12 hours of community service, $500 in fines, and 7 months suspension of driving priveleges.
You are dismissed."
Bhagwant Patel drags himself out of the courtroom,
His eyes stone cold sober.
I gulp,
And hope that my name is not called next.

Cardinal

A red cardinal perches on the evergreen in my backyard,
His arrowheard sharp and alert, pointing northward,
His glassy black eyes are set in still contemplation.
Or, is his whole hollow body set in still andumbration?

What are the plans that have him wrapped in such thought?
Or are they fantasies, whichever, for both will get him caught
Insides the small, round oculus of binoculars from afar,
Stared into by an admirer like an astronomer and a star.

But it will only be for an instant before the cardinal is off in flight,
Heading towards an unseen destination into the winter night.

Langston Hughes

Riff on, my brother!
Make that sweet jazz breathe life,
Rip into my soul
With that serrated knife.

Cut me open, brother!
Filet my white skin raw
And make me feel guilty
For existing at all.

You say you and your mama had hard times
Well, I have too.
America ain't colorblind like you.

Now, don't get me wrong,
I won't pretend I've had it worse,
But I know what it feels like
To wish for your own hearse.

So, play on, my brother!
Let me hear those sweet tunes!
And, I'll sway with you
Under the drunken moon.

We'll swap sob stories
Of dirty New York
And corrupt New Jersey.
We'll become kindred souls,
Searching for love in a hurry.

We'll share a quick kiss,
Fusing your rhythm and my rhymes,
That will help us escape the crime
Of loving and hating both white and black.
So, jazz on my brother,
And never let me go back!

The two Daisy's

Daisy,
I'm sorry for what I said,
Please don't droop your head.
I don't want you to cry,
Turn your pretty eyes to the sky.
Go ahead and be richly green,
Right on me you can always lean.
Put on that pretty yellow smile,
And let me bask in your radiance a while.
Let your face again be pure white,
Let us not start a petty fight.
Your gentle demeanor is just what I need,
This is why I sowed your seed.

Daisy,
I hope you heard what I said,
That's right droop your head.
I don't care if you cry,
Or miss the beauty in the sky.
I don't care if you're fading green,
Say I'm wrong, or say I'm mean.
Wear that ridiculous yellow frown,
And I hope you wilt to the ground.
Let your white face wither brown,
I'm sick of seeing it around.
Let your heart break and bleed,
Because care nothing for your seed.

Astrological Advice

A
Star
In the sky
Winked at me. "Be strong,"
It said. "In the end,
You will, by
God,    be    loved
And                     saved.

Taboo

I.
Standing on the precipice,
Debating whether or not to jump,
Is tricky, and moreso scary,
Because once you've decided,
That's it.

You can't change your mind
Once you're already plumeting
Towards your own destruction,
Or, running away from it,
Which is just as bad;
Since it means you're either
Immature, non-traditional, or a social deviant.

You'll spend the rest of your life
Trying to prove to everyone around you
That you're normal,
Just like them.
That you're human,
With human needs and desires,
Just like them.

And, if you decide to jump feet first
Into the canyon of destruction,
You'll spend the rest of your life
Regretful, miserable, and lost.
But you'll have proved to everyone
That you're normal,
Just like them.
You're a rational adult,
A full blooded American
With hopes and dreams
Destroyed by the decision to be
Just like them.

So, what is less depressing:
Personal freedom and ambition
Marred by condemnation and isolation?
Or, spiritual confinement and anxiety
Held together by a weak, empty comradery?
That is the only decision you have.

II.
You have pushed me toward a ledge,
And have asked me to consider
Jumping off.

You have asked me to consider the consequences
Of jumping, or running away,
Before I make my final decision.
You always knew how to frighten me
Into making the right decision.

But I am not sure if I can do that.
The request you have presented to me is
Monumental.
Whether to jeopardize what we have now,
And could have later,
For something we have seen damage
Our families, society, and Earth:
Children.
It seems so simple,
God told man to go fourth and multiply,
You say,
It's normal to have children,
And it's disturbing for a woman,
For me,
Not to want them.
You say,
I will not suffer from post-partum depression
Just because I was diagnosed with a personality disorder
When I was fourteen.
You say,
I don't have a personality disorder,
I'm normal,
Just like you.

And I say,
Jesus said it is the barren women that will be
Honored and saved.
The world is over crowded and
Resources are already running out at
Record breaking speeds.
I don't know if I can handle
Children.
I don't know that I can be that selfless,
I don't know if I am normal,
Just like you.

But you are relentless,
And so, you drop the conversation
Until I have driven it from my mind,
Until I have not mentioned it further,
Before you bring it up again.
Hoping to catch me off guard
Each time,
With a new tactic.
Feeding on my anxieties like,
Displeasing my loved ones,
The ones that want
Grandchildren or nieces and nephews.
So that, unprepared, I consider the possibility
For you,
To give you what you want,
To make you happy,
Despite my innermost desires to spend our lives
Alone, together
So that we may travel the world or
Read thousands of books in peace,
And travel, and rock climb, and mountain bike.
I consider following the footsteps of our friends, our parents,
Fulfilling the American dream and expectations,
In order that I might be normal,
Just like you,
Just like them,
Even when I am not.

But again,
I come to the conclusion that:
I still don' t think I can do it.