Humbled

If ever there was a foolish plan
To hang onto a man
It must be conception.
For a lifetime bond unintended
Simply breeds resentment.
And lady, you are no exception.

Creating life is a grand gateau
Which God bestowed
Upon us with the best intentions.
It’s a power not to be trifled with
Survival’s very pith,
Not to be used for you own invention.

Because all those lonely nights
And loud fights, now imminent
Could have been averted.
Instead now you’re stuck
In a loveless rut
And surely lady, you deserve it.

Wind

*Originally published at Vox Poetica.

A warm, subtle wind blew in from the west
Stirring the leaves upon the ground,
Stirring the heart in my breast.

And for a moment I felt again what it meant to be alive
My veins were red with pumping blood,
My very soul, revived.

But just as soon as the wind came, it again fled
And left me feeling empty inside,
Left me feeling dead.

Unglued

I thought of you today
And was surprised by the rush of pain
That swam into my heart
And split it in twain.

How is that
Just a simple thought of you
Can take years of piecing together
And make them all come unglued?

Johnny Cash

His words penetrate my skin
And a smile plays across my lips,
His guitar fingers my heart strings,
His rhythm sways my hips.

I close my eyes and see his,
Staring deep down into my own.
There is a certain darkness there,
It makes me feel at home.

He reaches out and touches me,
A gentle brush across my cheek,
He presses his lips to my ear,
And starts to speak.

“The taste of love is sweet,
When hearts like ours meet.
I fell for you like a child,
Oh, but the fire went wild.”

I lift my chin and arch my back,
Letting the enchantment fill me.
It rushes through my veins,
And I submit to him willingly.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,
I went down, down, down,
And the flames went higher.”

The spell takes hold of my heart,
A hostage for a captor,
He will never let it go,
Not in this life, nor after.

I will always love being his,
Even when he deserts me.
I will wait for him again and again,
No matter how much it hurts me.

“And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of fire,
The ring of fire.”

Down

Take my hand and draw me down,
Past the city
And past the town

Escape with me into the clear,
Hold me close
Hold me, dear

Knead your body against mine,
Our lips marry
Our limbs entwine

Open the petals one by one,
Reveal it the world
Reveal it to the sun

Oh, I beg you please draw down,
Drink just a sip
Or drink til you drown

Enter the pistil ever so cavalier,
Show you mean it
Show you’re sincere

Build up strength the further you go,
Faster and faster
Then slow, slow

Until my nectar spills from the crown,
And I ask again
Please, oh please, draw me down

Hell

There is a restlessness only I know,
It settles so deep inside me,
I can feel it in my bones.

It’s a restlessness that burrows into my brain,
Scattering any of the thoughts,
In which I wish to rein.

How long it will last only God can tell,
But I hope it will end soon,
For surely I’m in hell.

A Little Poetry

People always ask me
Why I write little poems.
The answer is simple really,
The longer the poem,
The smaller the meaning.

Sunflower

Your face is like an army
Made up of a thousand men
All standing at attention
And saluting the godly sun
Some of those men
Will yellow with fear
And will only be useful
As figureheads
While the others will mature
Into great heroes
And spread far and wide
Sprouting in continents around the world
Central America
South America
Europe
Where they will take root
And spread their innovation
In the fields of
Agriculture
Medicine
Energy
They will become silent and humble
Rulers of the world

Did You Never Know

Did you never know I loved you,
Even through my earnest words and acts?
Did you never know I loved you,
Despite my difficult past?

Just because I didn’t flaunt it,
Didn’t make it any less true,
Did you really need an audience to know,
That I loved you?

Firefly

Wanting what you can’t have is like
Saying you cannot feel joy without pain
Or know life without death
Because once you have something
So powerful
Grasped in your palm like a summertime firefly
You know you don’t want to ever let it go
But you do
So it isn’t crushed and suffocated in your hands
And it can safely reclaim its place in the world
Where it belongs
And you will miss it
When it’s gone and the season changes
And when you think back
About that beautiful, amazing light
Shining up into your eyes
A miracle only Gods could make
Suddenly you will feel
Sick with desire to capture it again
And you will try
But that firefly won’t be the same as the first
It won’t be perfect like the one you had
It will leave you disappointed and wanting
For the original firefly that is nowhere to be found
And that is how I feel about you, my darling

Ring

The bitter cold nips my face
But it's nothing I can't take,
Snow fell the night before,
Blanketing the bank and lake.

This is where I sit
And fill my head with such thoughts,
That are as stilling as the frozen water
And as chilling as the winter’s frost.

It was here just last summer
Where I found you on bended knee,
With a face full of hope, when you asked,
“Will you marry me?”

Not a second after I accepted
Than you were called away,
First by Jessica, then by Lindsay
But I waited for you anyway.

I waited until September
When the weather began to cool,
I waited until All Hollow’s Eve
When the streets filled with goblins and ghouls.

Then came Thanksgiving
When all of my family asked after you,
And now soon it will be Christmas,
Whatever will I do?

I will not throw myself into the freezing lake,
For I could never do such a thing,
But I simply have no problem,
Throwing in your ring.

Alone

I miss
You cobalt eyes
And all they said to me
With just one glance

I miss
Your mischievous smile
And the way it made the butterflies
In my stomach dance

I miss
Your strong hands
And the way they always surprised me
With a gentle touch

I miss
Your soft lips
Whispering the words
That made me fall in love

I miss
Your reckless abandon
That taught me
How to be free

I miss
Your unquestioning devotion
That always
Protected me

I miss
Your candidness
And how you always
Came through

But most of all
I miss
The days when
You missed me too

High School Folly

Do I miss your steely eyes---
Your lips pulled tight in refusal,
So that mine could not touch them unless
I acted like the person you dreamed me to be?

I did.

But I don’t anymore.

I don’t miss your insistence
Upon being the wittiest and the most artistic;
Which only made you inane and dull at best,
Even in the shallowest of circles.

I don’t miss burning to please you
With a useless repertoire of bad music
By criers against big business
Marketing a brand name attitude straight to you,
Making you yell anti-establishment in the middle of the mall,
Where you bought your new shoes.

Most of all,
I don’t miss the deceitful way in which you fooled me
Into believing that I was a bad person;
When all the while you looked down your nose
At our relationship like it was a satire,
And so carried out another one,
A more serious one,
Simultaneously.
Then lambasting me for breaking your heart
When I decided to do the same to you,
Leaving me angry and guilty,
For all these years since.

Sleep

Once, I prayed for Sleep to love me,
To stroke my hair and covet me.
Now, he never leaves my side,
No matter where I run or hide,
He finds me out and punishes me accordingly.

Court, February ------

I sit still in the packed courtroom as a tall, noble looking man approaches the judge.
I assume he must be a lawyer in such a suit, with such a dignity.
His mocha skin stands apart from the rest of us, pale with winter's frost.
The judge looks him over slowly and then spells his name aloud,
" B H A G W A N T"
Bhagwant Patel.
He nods solemnly as the judge begins to weave his tale for all of us to hear.
"On the night of February ----- you came into confrontation with a state trooper, correct?
You were stopped for a traffic violation, illegal lane change, correct?
At that time the office smelled alcohol on your breath, correct?
And, you admitted to consuming several alcoholic beverages before driving your vehicle, correct?
You also refused a breathalizer, correct?
You are pleading guilty to the charges of driving under the influence of alcohol,
And by doing so, give up your right to a trial, correct?
Then, as an official of this court, I hereby sentence you to
12 hours of community service, $500 in fines, and 7 months suspension of driving priveleges.
You are dismissed."
Bhagwant Patel drags himself out of the courtroom,
His eyes stone cold sober.
I gulp,
And hope that my name is not called next.

Cardinal

A red cardinal perches on the evergreen in my backyard,
His arrowheard sharp and alert, pointing northward,
His glassy black eyes are set in still contemplation.
Or, is his whole hollow body set in still andumbration?

What are the plans that have him wrapped in such thought?
Or are they fantasies, whichever, for both will get him caught
Insides the small, round oculus of binoculars from afar,
Stared into by an admirer like an astronomer and a star.

But it will only be for an instant before the cardinal is off in flight,
Heading towards an unseen destination into the winter night.

Langston Hughes

Riff on, my brother!
Make that sweet jazz breathe life,
Rip into my soul
With that serrated knife.

Cut me open, brother!
Filet my white skin raw
And make me feel guilty
For existing at all.

You say you and your mama had hard times
Well, I have too.
America ain't colorblind like you.

Now, don't get me wrong,
I won't pretend I've had it worse,
But I know what it feels like
To wish for your own hearse.

So, play on, my brother!
Let me hear those sweet tunes!
And, I'll sway with you
Under the drunken moon.

We'll swap sob stories
Of dirty New York
And corrupt New Jersey.
We'll become kindred souls,
Searching for love in a hurry.

We'll share a quick kiss,
Fusing your rhythm and my rhymes,
That will help us escape the crime
Of loving and hating both white and black.
So, jazz on my brother,
And never let me go back!

The two Daisy's

Daisy,
I'm sorry for what I said,
Please don't droop your head.
I don't want you to cry,
Turn your pretty eyes to the sky.
Go ahead and be richly green,
Right on me you can always lean.
Put on that pretty yellow smile,
And let me bask in your radiance a while.
Let your face again be pure white,
Let us not start a petty fight.
Your gentle demeanor is just what I need,
This is why I sowed your seed.

Daisy,
I hope you heard what I said,
That's right droop your head.
I don't care if you cry,
Or miss the beauty in the sky.
I don't care if you're fading green,
Say I'm wrong, or say I'm mean.
Wear that ridiculous yellow frown,
And I hope you wilt to the ground.
Let your white face wither brown,
I'm sick of seeing it around.
Let your heart break and bleed,
Because care nothing for your seed.

Astrological Advice

A
Star
In the sky
Winked at me. "Be strong,"
It said. "In the end,
You will, by
God,    be    loved
And                     saved.

Taboo

I.
Standing on the precipice,
Debating whether or not to jump,
Is tricky, and moreso scary,
Because once you've decided,
That's it.

You can't change your mind
Once you're already plumeting
Towards your own destruction,
Or, running away from it,
Which is just as bad;
Since it means you're either
Immature, non-traditional, or a social deviant.

You'll spend the rest of your life
Trying to prove to everyone around you
That you're normal,
Just like them.
That you're human,
With human needs and desires,
Just like them.

And, if you decide to jump feet first
Into the canyon of destruction,
You'll spend the rest of your life
Regretful, miserable, and lost.
But you'll have proved to everyone
That you're normal,
Just like them.
You're a rational adult,
A full blooded American
With hopes and dreams
Destroyed by the decision to be
Just like them.

So, what is less depressing:
Personal freedom and ambition
Marred by condemnation and isolation?
Or, spiritual confinement and anxiety
Held together by a weak, empty comradery?
That is the only decision you have.

II.
You have pushed me toward a ledge,
And have asked me to consider
Jumping off.

You have asked me to consider the consequences
Of jumping, or running away,
Before I make my final decision.
You always knew how to frighten me
Into making the right decision.

But I am not sure if I can do that.
The request you have presented to me is
Monumental.
Whether to jeopardize what we have now,
And could have later,
For something we have seen damage
Our families, society, and Earth:
Children.
It seems so simple,
God told man to go fourth and multiply,
You say,
It's normal to have children,
And it's disturbing for a woman,
For me,
Not to want them.
You say,
I will not suffer from post-partum depression
Just because I was diagnosed with a personality disorder
When I was fourteen.
You say,
I don't have a personality disorder,
I'm normal,
Just like you.

And I say,
Jesus said it is the barren women that will be
Honored and saved.
The world is over crowded and
Resources are already running out at
Record breaking speeds.
I don't know if I can handle
Children.
I don't know that I can be that selfless,
I don't know if I am normal,
Just like you.

But you are relentless,
And so, you drop the conversation
Until I have driven it from my mind,
Until I have not mentioned it further,
Before you bring it up again.
Hoping to catch me off guard
Each time,
With a new tactic.
Feeding on my anxieties like,
Displeasing my loved ones,
The ones that want
Grandchildren or nieces and nephews.
So that, unprepared, I consider the possibility
For you,
To give you what you want,
To make you happy,
Despite my innermost desires to spend our lives
Alone, together
So that we may travel the world or
Read thousands of books in peace,
And travel, and rock climb, and mountain bike.
I consider following the footsteps of our friends, our parents,
Fulfilling the American dream and expectations,
In order that I might be normal,
Just like you,
Just like them,
Even when I am not.

But again,
I come to the conclusion that:
I still don' t think I can do it.