Origami Butterfly

Each person who enters your life,

Leaves a mark upon you,

It’s a saying heard all the time,

It’s a saying I know is true.

For each one who hurt me,

Or left me hanging out to try,

Has folded a small corner of my heart,

Into itself, and left it to die.

My heart became something different,

A sculpture I didn’t recognize,

With intricate and fragile layers,

Like an origami butterfly.

Locked in upon itself, it sat,

Quite the tangled piece of art,

Too fragile for the roughest hands,

Too complex for the less than smart.

In its ivory, bony encasing,

The edges began to fray and peel,

It’s worn out appearance was,

All I came to know and feel.

My heart no longer flapped in hope,

Or soared in unfettered bliss,

It merely observed its surroundings,

And accepted that this was it.

It took a curious disposition and,

Furious determination, such as yours,

To start with one small fold first,

Before undoing more and more.

It may have taken many years but finally,

My heart has opened and started to feel anew,

The great rush of pure, raw emotion,

Took quite a bit of getting used to.

While adjusting, I know I became sulky,

Sitting in silence and staring into the void,

It was hard to even make heads or tails,

Of all the things inside me I once thought destroyed.

It was all muddled and overwhelming,

And I blamed you for the personal hell,

You were the one who laid my heart open,

Shouldn’t you be responsible for how it felt?

It took time for me to learn that I was its keeper,

It was up to me to make it wise and strong,

Only then would it find what it truly wanted,

The love for which it longed.

My heart journeyed as far as it could go and,

Became a million things, before I let it retreat,

It came right home and knew where it belonged,

So I placed it in my hands and laid it at your feet.

You took the time to learn the hardest folds,

And you smoothed the roughest, deepest curves,

My heart is the only gift I could give,

That would amount to what you truly deserve.

It took all of my power to separate from my heart again,

But the risk was worth the reward in my new husband.

Panic

Fear has a way

Of creeping
Inside my brain
Causing a panic

I can't make go away

Forever, Love

I will love you forever
I have no say in that fact  
The choice was made long ago
Before I could react.

You burrowed inside my soul
What's worse - in my mind
You made me deaf to others' songs
And to their smiles, blind.

Wherever I go, you go
Carried deep in my heart
There is no coming between us
For where I end, you start.        

I will love you forever
Even when we cease to be,
For a little piece of you
Has touched every piece of me.

The Performer

I gave my heart to you
When I didn't think I had anything left to give
I gave my heart to you
At a time when I no longer wanted to live

You said that I could trust you
And to lay my burdens down at your feet
You wanted to take the weight off my shoulders
You wanted to make my life complete

Where did those promises go?

I gave my heart to you
And for a while was quite enchanted
I gave my heart to you
But you took me for granted

You said that I could trust you
And that you would never lie
Yet you hid things from me
And repeatedly made me cry

What else do I have to know?

I gave my heart to you
And you decided to break it
I gave my heart to you
Now it looks like we won't make it

You said that I could trust you
But you're not who you seem
You're just like the rest of them
I guess the joke's on me

Congratulations, you put on quite a show.

Survival

And when the end of the day
Finally arrives,
I can only smile because
I survived.

He Killed Me

He killed me with his smile
He killed me with his stare
He killed me with a thousand touches
That were never really there

He killed me with gentle words
He killed me with sad songs
He killed me with tender kisses
That were always wrong

He killed me with his lies
He killed me with other girls
He killed me, he killed me
He killed my whole world

He killed me with cunning
He killed me slowly, with wit
And now that I know better
I don't give a shit

The Heron

Standing at the edge of the pond,
A heron gazes into the distance.
Its back to me,
Buffering the frosty wind.
Its eyes deep black pools,
As never-ending as the stars.
I sneak a picture of this spectacle,
A freshwater, coastal beauty,
Resting on the edge of a manmade pond
In New Jersey.

Where have you come from and,
Where are you going?

Non-swimming, little egret,
Feeding on the margins,
Sitting still, so very still,
Waiting for the fish to come to you.
A steady pace beyond us walkers,
Trying to get in a mile
On our thirty minute lunch break.
We are as solitary as you are.

Where is your family?
Where are your children?

Waiting for your return,
Beaks turned upright and screaming
In need, for food, for safety,
For guidance.
I leave you in peace to carry out your work,
To fulfill your role as the breadwinner
And I walk back to work, smiling.
We are not so different after all.

I am the heron and the heron is me.

Anxieties

My mother told me
I'm the harshest person
She knows;
An angry-unsympathetic-
Raw-cold-woman-
Daughter.
My hands,
Clenched into fists,
Quake with fear.
Is it because
She's wrong,
Or because,
She's right?
She never says
And now,
I'll never know.
She changes the topic,
Quickly
And says,
"So, when are you getting
Married?"

In Love Again

*Originally published in The Blue Hour Anthology Volume 2.

Out of brutal pain
Comes a sudden peace
Out of utter chaos
Comes a sudden cease
Out of loneliness
Comes a sudden friend
And suddenly, out of nowhere
I'm in love again

Ginny

*Originally published on Vox Poetica.

I sit with bated breath
On the very edge
Of her favorite settee
And though
I don't believe in god
I can't help but pray

Please don't let her
Break his heart
When from this earth
She departs

Your Hands

Frame my face,
Remembering every line and curve;
Smooth the hair out of my eyes,
So you can see through me.

Run down the small of my back,
Making me arch with lust;
Cup my breasts so gently,
Sending tremors down my spine.

Lock with mine,
Drawing me against your body;
Powerfully thrust into me,
Melting the surrounding world.

Trace my heart,
Claiming it as your prize.

My Anger

Seeps through the pores
Of my skin,
And enters my mind
Like an explosion.

Polluting the very air
That I breathe,
It seethes.

It can tear you down
With just a glare,
And rip your heart
Into a pair.

Poisoning all the words
That I say,
Yet it stays.

For him

I hear about you every day
How graciously you labor for Him
It leaves me without words to say
And fills my thoughts with fancy whim

For, sometimes I wish to reach you
If only to grasp your hand
To transfer my emotions through
To make you understand

That even though we’ve never met
Nor ever shared a single word
Your face I just cannot forget
And I know this sounds absurd

But when I close my eyes at night
It is only you I see
With your arms held outright
Waiting to accept me

And suddenly I trust you
As if I’ve known you all along
And my heart tells me that
With you is where I belong

I know that’s just a dream
Because you are His chosen son
And I am just mainstream
But I know that you’re the one

Perhaps it is like the time before
When He chose Mary
And once she was reformed
She was who Jesus wanted to marry*

It’s an example of a love so sincere
That it has no spiritual limit
Something to which we could adhere
If only He would permit it

*According to the non-Canonical Gospels.

Humbled

If ever there was a foolish plan
To hang onto a man
It must be conception.
For a lifetime bond unintended
Simply breeds resentment.
And lady, you are no exception.

Creating life is a grand gateau
Which God bestowed
Upon us with the best intentions.
It’s a power not to be trifled with
Survival’s very pith,
Not to be used for you own invention.

Because all those lonely nights
And loud fights, now imminent
Could have been averted.
Instead now you’re stuck
In a loveless rut
And surely lady, you deserve it.

Wind

*Originally published at Vox Poetica.

A warm, subtle wind blew in from the west
Stirring the leaves upon the ground,
Stirring the heart in my breast.

And for a moment I felt again what it meant to be alive
My veins were red with pumping blood,
My very soul, revived.

But just as soon as the wind came, it again fled
And left me feeling empty inside,
Left me feeling dead.

Unglued

I thought of you today
And was surprised by the rush of pain
That swam into my heart
And split it in twain.

How is that
Just a simple thought of you
Can take years of piecing together
And make them all come unglued?

Johnny Cash

His words penetrate my skin
And a smile plays across my lips,
His guitar fingers my heart strings,
His rhythm sways my hips.

I close my eyes and see his,
Staring deep down into my own.
There is a certain darkness there,
It makes me feel at home.

He reaches out and touches me,
A gentle brush across my cheek,
He presses his lips to my ear,
And starts to speak.

“The taste of love is sweet,
When hearts like ours meet.
I fell for you like a child,
Oh, but the fire went wild.”

I lift my chin and arch my back,
Letting the enchantment fill me.
It rushes through my veins,
And I submit to him willingly.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire,
I went down, down, down,
And the flames went higher.”

The spell takes hold of my heart,
A hostage for a captor,
He will never let it go,
Not in this life, nor after.

I will always love being his,
Even when he deserts me.
I will wait for him again and again,
No matter how much it hurts me.

“And it burns, burns, burns,
The ring of fire,
The ring of fire.”

Down

Take my hand and draw me down,
Past the city
And past the town

Escape with me into the clear,
Hold me close
Hold me, dear

Knead your body against mine,
Our lips marry
Our limbs entwine

Open the petals one by one,
Reveal it the world
Reveal it to the sun

Oh, I beg you please draw down,
Drink just a sip
Or drink til you drown

Enter the pistil ever so cavalier,
Show you mean it
Show you’re sincere

Build up strength the further you go,
Faster and faster
Then slow, slow

Until my nectar spills from the crown,
And I ask again
Please, oh please, draw me down

Hell

There is a restlessness only I know,
It settles so deep inside me,
I can feel it in my bones.

It’s a restlessness that burrows into my brain,
Scattering any of the thoughts,
In which I wish to rein.

How long it will last only God can tell,
But I hope it will end soon,
For surely I’m in hell.

A Little Poetry

People always ask me
Why I write little poems.
The answer is simple really,
The longer the poem,
The smaller the meaning.